


Spitters are quitters

by Mostillrights



Series: Stories based on things my friends have said [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bruce Banner & Tony Stark Friendship, Funny, No Smut, Not Romance, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Sassy Tony Stark, Science Bros, Steve Rogers & Tony Stark Friendship, Timeline What Timeline, i know the title is a bit misleading
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-05
Updated: 2018-10-05
Packaged: 2019-07-25 10:14:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16195469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mostillrights/pseuds/Mostillrights
Summary: The first instalment of my "Stories based on things my friends have said at school"This story is not even a little sexual, Tony is just a prankerster





	Spitters are quitters

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic on ao3 and also my first Marvel fic so I hope you enjoy

It was one of the ‘recovery days’ at the Avengers tower, the night before the team spent eight hours battling a 17 foot tall alien with a, nearly, indestructible coat of armor. The fight ended up being all hands on deck so the team, at least the human members, were all pretty wiped out. 

The spies, always seemed to make quick recoveries, likely due to the pure exposure the pair has with fighting. Of course that ‘spider-kid’, as the bulk of the team took to calling him, had the energy of “eight toddlers on crack” as Bucky once said. The energy plus his advanced healing meant that Peter was also back to his normal self by the next morning. Witch just left Tony and Bruce to suffer through the days that followed battles like the previous night. 

The Hulk had played a significant part in taking down the monster, witch while great for the team during the fight, was not so great for Bruce the next day. Turning into the ‘Other Guy’ often meant the Bruce would spend the next few days feeling not only exhausted, but also hungry and as if his bones and muscles were made of silly putty. 

Tony didn’t feel the effects of a fight quite as heavily as Bruce did, but he was only human and for as much as Tony Stark hated to admit it, he was getting older. While the suit kept him protected he still felt the impacts of being dropped or slammed into a wall, after an intense fight Tony often found odd little cuts and bruises in random places over the next week or so. 

It was almost 1pm by the time Tony showed his face in the communal kitchen, half asleep, he made his way to the coffee pot with a slight limp. One of his knees had collided with the inside of the suit and he was only know feeling the effects. 

Tony made a mental note to invest in some padding for around the joints in the suit. After coffee. With a hot cup in hand Tony made his way around to the table and sat, quickly inhaling his cup before getting up for a second. 

“Don’t you think maybe you should let the first cup make it to your stomach before you start another” Tony jumped slightly at the voice, he didn’t even realise Cap was in the kitchen. 

“Well we can’t all have Super Serum keeping us fresh and energized like you, Cap.” Steve just smirked, this was a conversation they had often. 

Just as Steve was about to make a comment about how he was actually almost 100 years old the pair of superheroes were distracted by the sound of Bruce stumbling into the room and making his way to the fridge. 

“Time to carb load, big guy?” typical Tony Stark sassed laced through every syllable

“For your information I’m here because of the ‘Big Guy’, and I’m actually looking for. Ha” Bruce had a slight hit of victory in his voice as he pulled out the small jug of whole milk and made his way over to the counter to pour himself a glass. 

With the glass poured and the milk placed back into the fridge Bruce slowly made his way over to the table where Steve and Tony were sitting. The room filled with a comfortable silence, Tony was finishing off his coffee and Bruce was settling into his drink as Steve watched over them ‘mother-henning’ as Tony would call it. He had noticed Tony’s limp this morning, and Bruce was clearly in rough shape. The fact that neither of them were talking or rambling about some new project was also alluding to their rough state. 

Steve was pulled from his thoughts when he heard the sound of Tony chair sliding across the floor. Tony made a deep sigh as he stood to fill his cup for the third time, right as Tony stood the genius saw his colleague slowly bring his glass to his lips. 

Tony quickly took advantage of the situation at hand, as soon as the drink had reached Bruce’s mouth, but before he had a chance to push it down his throat Tony leaned behind him and whispered,

“Spitters are quitters, Brucie-bear” 

Within moments the silence that had previously filled the large kitchen was replaced with chaos. Bruce instantly choked at Tonys comment, while coughing all the milk he previously took in was spat all the way across the table. The seat directly across from Bruce happened to be exactly where Steve was sitting which meant he was covered in the bulk of the milk. 

Tony happened to think that this was the absolute greatest thing he had ever done. The fact that Bruce choked would have been enough, but looking up and seeing Steve covered in milk was absolutely the best thing to happen in weeks. 

“FRIDAY...play back that footage….send it to the team…” Tony managed to get out between shuddering breaths filled with laughter. 

As the instant replay of the event was blasted up onto the hologram projector Tony was sent into another fit of laughter. As Steve and Bruce moved to clean up the mess they couldn’t help but see how funny this really was. 

Steve shook his head, jokingly 

“A child Tony Stark, you are literally a child”

**Author's Note:**

> I love feedback, litlerly anything would be awesome. Let me know if you have any requests.


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